We got the packet from Jonathan's IEP evaluation today. His meeting is on Wednesday. I just want to cry.
Looking at him I forget sometimes how far he has come. I forget that the boy had a severe head injury. I forget that we were told he would never walk and talk. I forget my son had a stroke. How in the world can I forget?
I have to forget. I have to forget the NICU. I have to forget the two spinal taps they gave my baby before he was even 4 days old. I have to forget the IV's in his head, the seizures, the medications, the tears, the screams. I have to forget the incredible heartache of knowing that something was horribly wrong with my baby. I have to forget the guilt of thinking it was something that I did. I have to forget the worry of always knowing something was going to be wrong. I have to forget the MRI image of my son's brain. In order to move on, I have to forget.
I focus more on the good things. Like his typical annoying 7 year old behavior. Or that he rides a bike without training wheels (pressure from your 4 year old brother doing it does a boy good!). The fact that my son can walk and talk is amazing. Jonathan is amazing.
I am dumbfounded at how all that heartache can come racing back, and the tears can start to flow from a silly test score. Just when I thought I tucked all that pain away far enough for it not to come out, it does.