Sunday, May 10, 2015

I contemplated for awhile on starting a new blog.  One that was completely anonymous, so I could hide.  But that is all I have been doing and I really need to stop.

I'm battling depression.  Not sure why or what the fuck happened to put me in this position, but alas here I am.  And it sucks.  And I am tired of it (literally and figuratively).  And what is more depressing is that I have NOTHING to be depressed about.  There unfortunately is a history, both with me and other family members.  But there has always been a reason.  I supposed there are things that have happened in life that could have dug this hole I am in without my knowledge, but when I look back on those reasons I'm not overly bothered.  I live in an amazing area, I have a fantastic husband, three kids who are pretty freaking awesome, no money troubles, fantastic grades in college, blah blah blah.  If I were a stranger looking at me I would question just why in the world I am saying I am depressed.  But that is the funny thing about mental illness.  There are no reasons.  It just is what it is.

I can feel better though.  I know I can.  Right now that goal seems unattainable.  So I am going to start baby steps.  I am going to wake up every day at the same time and go to bed at the same time.  I am going to go for a walk every morning and do yoga as well as put better foods in my body.  It is Mother's Day and I am going to start taking care of ME!