Saturday, December 20, 2008

I am unplugging...

I am unplugging...probably until xmas. Sorry Ellen, I will catch up on your blog next week sometime, although if I get done what I need to do I might pop on sooner just so I can read what you have to say on Monday. I have been neglecting my own life while getting wrapped up in others. Shame shame shame on me. I need to clean my house and get organized...I should post before and after pictures...okay, maybe just after!

Have a great week everyone! And if I don't get on before the holidays Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 19, 2008


So Tony and I are done having babies...this fact makes me sad even though I really do not wish to push anymore watermelons out of my hooha. I loved being pregnant...sort of anyway. I am facinated with the feeling of a baby growing inside of my body, feeling them move around, hearing the heartbeat, and yes, giving birth. The whole process is amazing. Tony and I do have fertility HYPER fertility. We can ly next to eachother, say the word baby and BAM, one magically appears in my womb. All three of our children were surprises. I feel kind of ripped of because we never got to actually 'try' to have a baby. Never once did we look at eachother and say "Lets have anther!". The closest we got to that was Victoria...when we were in Mexico we talked about the fact that we were both a little sad that we were done having children, and having a little girl would have been nice...Our bodies misunderstood...we didn't say "lets make a baby girl" we said it WOULD have been nice. We are incredibly grateful to have her. I seriously have no idea where my life would be without her. I do now feel complete. I never truly understood that until I looked into my daughters eyes. I needed her, we needed her. My pregnancy with her, and giving birth was an incredibly healing experience. No NICU trips, I labored and birth on my own, no induction. My body didn't fail me. She is amazing, the whole experience has been amazing...someone remind me of this when she is 16 PLEASE!

This brings me to fertility issues...I know a lot of people who have them. And I feel guilty. My cousin and her husband could not get pregnant. What I would have done to give them a baby. I would have carried one for her if I actually had decent pregnancies. She has adopted a wonderful little boy who is amazing, and she is okay with not giving birth. I can't say that I would be. This is my lifes dream, I cannot imagine how I would feel if someone told me that it wasn't going to happen. Then there is the family friend...numerous rounds of IVF have failed. I am not sure what direction they are headed in next. And someone I 'know' online just found out that she is infact VERY pregnant after 3 years and one failed IVF attempt. I cried when I found out. Almost like I was trying and found out for myself that I was pregnant. I am living through these women who are 'trying'. It's weird.

I just can't fathom life without my babies...or watching my belly grow, or feeling them move inside of my body. I actually have video of Victoria 'dancing' in my belly. I have to remind myself sometimes when they are driving me nuts that a lot of women are envious, and they would love to have just one...just one baby. They wish for more, but they would be happy for one.

I just want to tell those that are having fertility issues...I am sorry. I feel guilty knowing so many women that have issues, and my husband and I wind up 'accidentally' pregnant 3 times. I hope that soon, you too will get that BFP and have a healthy happy nine months. It is the experience of a lifetime...

Thursday, December 11, 2008

only some of the xmas pictures!

Removed the started to annoy me!

3 kids + a camera = FUN!

So I decided I could take a better picture of my own kids than anyone else could. Plus I hate taking them in with all the other screaming banshees and pay $$$$$ only to end up with pictures that are ridiculously posed and unnatural. Hee Hee, who was I kidding. I totally love taking pictures of the kids, although I will say that with each kid less and less pictures get taken. And I know why...I am out of hands or eyes. I can't keep track of the three of them and take photos at the same time. I don't think Superwoman could even manage that.

So I got the kids reluctantly in their matching xmas outfits. Oh they are so cute! Yes, I am the cheesy mom that coordinates her childrens clothing. Now that Victoria is here I do find that I don't make the boys match anymore...just coordinate...but they do always match. Have you ever tried to get 3 kids to look at the camera all at the same time? And smile? And not blink? FUN! FUN! FUN! Enjoy the slideshow!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Aren't we purdy?

I just looked at my wedding photos for the first time (yes, we have multiple children TOGETHER but only got married 15 months ago) and I found a few I LOVE! Here is my favorite!

So much for daily updates!

So I had figured that I would be able to do this daily...but life and xmas shopping has gotten in the way. Oh such is life!

The kids are fantastic...who am I kidding. Jonathan is having huge issues listening, to the point where I am daily looking to see if there is something in his ears. I know it is purposeful, but come on kid, enough is enough. Speaking of Jonathan...I have yet to introduce him to this here goes. baby. I know I have 2 other children, whom I love with all my heart and soul, but Jonathan will always be my baby. He is six, but he still loves to climb in my lap and cuddle, he is so full of love. Sometimes so full of love I have to tell him to keep his hands and lips to himself. But I should be grateful. Most of you know, but some strangers (ooh I hate that word) don't know that Jonathan is a stroke survivor. The doctors guess that sometime within 72 hours of his birth that he had a stroke. Yes, the same kind of stroke that we associate the elderly with having. It can strike at any age, any time. We first noticed something was wrong when he started to have seizures. Nothing major, but at 8 hours old one of the nursing assistants in the hospital noticed his hand rhythmically twitching. I didn't notice anything, and when they came to look at him he stopped. I kept trying to breastfeed, but he wasn't interested. (He did eventually breastfeed...for the next two years...and probably still would be if I let him!) Then I felt it. His arm started twitching. I knew immediately something was wrong. I called the nurse and told her to call the neonatologist, that I wanted them to look at Jonathan. Sure enough, by the time the neonatologist looked at him, his entire left side was 'twitching'. My baby, not even 12 hours old was seizing. And it was continuous. For the next 36 hours...non-stop.

Jonathan was then brought to the NICU, and whomever decided that babies don't have tears when they are first born...yeah right. 2 hours...that is how long it took to get an IV in him. I am not sure how many times he was poked, but I do know that it was MULTIPLE times, and it took 2 HOURS! He had big tears, and a lot of them! So we spent a week in the NICU, not knowing what happened to the little man until day 7...he had an MRI and that is when we found out about his stroke. It was devastating. Tony and I were both hysterical. We were told that our little boy wasn't going to walk or talk, that he had irreversible brain damage. We were supposed to just take him home and love him. That's it???

So we took him and ran from the hospital. We worked with him daily...he would sometimes cry, but we still kept at it. Tony would take him in the tub and stretch him out. He didn't seem to have much control over the left side of his body, and it seemed to frustrate him. He had his early intervention screening, and the woman asked me what my goals for Jonathan were. My response: I just wanted him to grow and develop like any normal kid, sit up at 6 months, crawl at 9, walk at 12...the 'normal' schedule. Her response: You need to set your goals lower, because he isn't going to develop and grow like a normal kid. He won't sit up at 6 months.

Well lady, you were right, he didn't sit up at 6 months. He sat with little assistance at 5 months. Fooey on you! There was no way ANYONE was going to tell me that my kid wasn't going to do something. We worked hard...very hard. Tony was deployed to Iraq when Jonathan was 5 months old, so my attention was 100% devoted to Jonathan and his development. He sat himself up from a lying position, commando crawled, crawled on all fours and pulled himself to a stand all in one weekend. Mothers Day weekend. He was 9 months old. He took his first solo steps right before his first birthday. He said his first word just before his first birthday..."Molly". He did it, we did it. We proved them all wrong.

Jonathan still defies the odds. He is a typical wickedly annoying 6 year old that tests your limits. He runs, jumps, climbs trees, goes across the monkey bars, tells little (and sometimes really big) white lies. He is sneaky. He is mischievous. He is also the strongest person I know. He can do and will do anything he puts his mind to. Take that again early intervention lady!

Jonathan does have his little issues that we are overcoming. We are 99% sure that he was born a lefty...but his stroke effected his left side, and using the right is a bit awkward. But he is figuring it all out. Kindergarten is helping. His peers are helping. He is doing it.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Someone help me stop shopping!

I love shopping. Any kind of shopping. Especially hunting for deals. It is a rarity if I buy something for full price...besides food. I like my food, and I refuse to skimp on it. I would rather spend the money and enjoy what I am eating than buy what is on sale and loathe even cooking it. Anyway, 'tis the season for shopping and finding deals. Victoria and I went out on Black Friday, at 3:30 in the morning. Oh what fun! I was there when a few stores opened but hung back and let the crowds pass so we didn't get trampled like that poor guy in New York. I looked at all the ads on Thanksgiving day, and wrote up my list of what to get at what store, what time the store opened, and I even wrote down the price. I spent a few hours creating my list, researching other stores for better prices, checking the internet for deals, and finally perfecting it and putting everything in order according to when the stores open. I totally realize, I am nuts. But I love it. I love the thrill of finding an actual deal. You see, most stores say they are offering a deal, but really it isn't much of one. I have found that there is generally a price mark-up before the holidays, and then the stores will slash prices and put large percentage off signs to make you feel like you have found a bargain. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha...little do they know there are those of us like myself that research the prices to see if it is an actual bargain!

So I did it. And I am continuing to do it. I can't stop shopping. Now it is just deals that I find on the internet, and I think I have about 15 packages on their way to the house with my name on them. Granted they are xmas gifts, but still. Tony and I agreed that this year we were going to tone things down a bit since we were going forward to build our new house. I am not sure how toned down things will actually be. We have the problem that we can never go shopping together. Either he is working, or we have the kids. I say that like they are visitors...we just can't get Grandma or Nana to take them when it is convenient for us. Forget a babysitter...we just can't bring ourselves to hire one. So I do my shopping and get the kids some things, and then Tony goes and gets the kids some things. The only problem is we don't realize how much we are buying until we are sitting there xmas eve wrapping.

Oh well, it looks like we are in for a very full xmas again this year. How about you? How do you set limits on what Santa leaves under the tree?

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Okay, now I am feeling guilty...

I have just read my blog, and I feel like I am casting my children in a negative light (you have to love 'mommy guilt'). My kids are fantastic. They are beautiful human beings that my husband and I created, each having their own unique talents and strengths. I guess I am just trying to make light of the negatives of having 3 kids and a husband. There are not many negatives...just insanity maybe.

I just needed to clarify.


Oh he is my love, my sweet precocious 3 year old middle child. We butt heads regularly. He drives me nuts. He is very particular about so many things, he doesn't like to eat anything else besides cheese sandwiches, yogurt, french fries, and nuggets. He won't touch a vegetable, rarely fruit. Meals are generally full of gags and tears. He screams for no reason, will cry at the drop of a hat. Everything about him is MORE MORE MORE. There is an intense energy that surrounds the kid. He is extreme. He has no fear. He wants to do everything himself. He is loud. He is incredibly at 15 months old he was talking in 5 word sentences smart. Before he was 2 1/2 he could look at small groupings of things and tell you how many there were, without physically counting every single one. He knows and has known all his letters and phonics since before he was 2. He lines things up sometimes according to numbers or colors or shapes sometimes. He did this just over a year ago with dominoes in his room. Tony and I saw it and both got freaked out. I almost ran to the developmental psychologists to have him tested for autism. These dominoes were in a perfect side-by-side line, two rows, lined perfectly straight and the numbers and letters all matched perfectly. I should have taken a picture. Instead we messed it up because it creeped us out. Jacob is intense. He has been this way since birth. He had breathing problems at birth and the NICU staff thought they were going to have to intubate him, (http://http// instead they had to take him off the CPAP (constant pressure high flow of oxygen...think high speed train going in your nose, but it is really just oxygen) because he would not stop screaming. He wound up with just a nasal cannula and he was incredibly pissed about that. He had his food allergy issues, skin issues, everything seemed to be an issue. Poor kid. Everything about him is larger than life, except he is incredibly small. Did I say he drove me nuts? I love him, more than anything. I cannot imagine how life would be if I would have actually left him in the cart at Target like I wanted to one day. I think he is going to be the child who gives me the most problems. Do you want to know how I know this?














He is exactly like me.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Sleep is for losers.

Tony and I have been joking the past few weeks that we are more sleep deprived now than we were right after we had Victoria. And it is true. But it isn't like we are up watching a movie, or even having a little fun between the sheets. It's the kids. One of them seems to ALWAYS be awake. Whether it is midnight and we are awakened by a screaming voice saying "I HAVE TO PEE" which would be Jacob who won't come downstairs and go to the bathroom unless we carry him, or maybe it is the sound of elephants tromping through our house and then the inevitable door slam and the whisper of "I'm scared and I had a bad dream" which would be Jonathan. And then we have what Tony calls the circus act. Once again, it isn't he and I doing acrobatics, he says it is Victoria and I. We co-sleep with our kids as infants. We do have a co-sleeper set up next to the bed, which Victoria does sleep in, but after she wakes up for the first time in the night to eat, I pull her in bed with me. I am not going to sit up and breastfeed her, and then put her back in the co-sleeper and then go back to sleep. I would be exhausted. It is much easier to put her on the boob lying down and fall back asleep. She just takes care of business herself and falls back into a nice slumber. But Tony says it wakes him up, and keeps him awake. Hmmm...this must be why I always hear so much SNORING from his side of the bed. I have never really known why men say they don't snore, or deny sleeping when you hear the undeniable sound of sawing logs.

Oh well, at least we women know the truth about snoring. And you can't fake snore...he has tried it. This was his lame attempt once at not getting up to take care of one of the kids. He just got kicked even harder then!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

I love my husband, I really do...

I am a terrible wife. My husband tries so hard (most of the time) to help me out and make life as wonderful as he knows how to. He works hard, long hours so that I can stay home with our children, he never balks when I spend $25 on ONE diaper, he doesn't really complain about much besides maybe my housekeeping skills. We have had a crazy and occasionally bumpy 7+ years together. I have been pregnant or nursing basically since we started dating, so he has always had to share me. He stuck with my through really bad post-partum depression after I had Jacob. He highlighted my hair for me, and then dyed it pink. What a guy! I could go on and on.

So last night when he came home from work, he walks in the door with a dozen roses, and he searched for something that I could eat, something special from him. And all I could do was give him a dirty look. You see, I was cleaning up puke. Yes, lovely puke. Sick kids do wonders to ruin the mood. Jonathan was sick with a nasty cold since Friday, and by Saturday evening at the dinner table, he starts puking. Poor baby. Meanwhile Jacob is whining, and Victoria is screaming. And my husband has not walked in the door yet. So I put Victoria in the swing, strip Jonathan of his pukey clothes and put him in the shower, and start to clean up the undigested food on my table, chair, and floor. Yes, he is good and can hit multiple surfaces. Yuck.

I did eventually get my flowers put in some water, and managed to give a hug and a kiss and say thank you. But the moment was totally ruined. I'm sorry honey...try to think about Mexico. Someday we will make it back there!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

I'm ssssssooooooo hungry!

Meet Victoria. Isn't she beautiful? I am absolutely in love with my beautiful baby girl. And I am desperately hungry. My beautiful little girl turns not so beautiful if I eat certain dairy, wheat, eggs, soy, pumpkin, beef...that is what I can think of at this current second. My diet consists of: chicken, vegetables and the occasional rice or quinoa if I feel like cooking it (which is RARELY!) It is the holiday season and I want egg nog from our milkman, I want fudge, cookies, mashed potatoes and gravy. I want it all, and I can have none of it. Boo-hoo.

Most would say to just put her on formula. I told myself after Jacob that I would never again starve myself for my child. Then it happens. Again. And I refuse to give her formula. Yuck. For one, she won't even take a bottle of breast milk, how is she going to take a bottle of yucky stinky formula? Second, formula is just that, yucky. Fake baby milk. It should (in my opinion) be labeled: NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION. Now I know that in some instances, formula is the only option. But not in mine. The formula she would likely be on is something called Neocate. I was a nanny for a little boy that was on Neocate. It is a gray color. It stinks. And it tastes really really bad. I just couldn't do that to my baby. My sweet, sweet baby. That and I would feel totally guilty that I breastfed her brothers for 2 years a piece, and stuck a bottle of yuckiness in her mouth.

So I am hungry...anyone want to feed me totally allergen free food???

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

My first blog...what has life come to???

So I never thought I would join the bandwagon of 'blogging' until a friend of mine shared hers with me, and I fell in love. I have treated her blog as a confessional of my own, and thought maybe I should do my own instead of hijacking hers! So thanks Ellen...hopefully now I can keep in touch with the outside world again!

We have just gotten back from vacation in Florida...what an experience. We didn't do disney this time, thank goodness! South Florida, the Everglades, and TONS of alligators! I will get pictures out soon!

I am still hang in there with me, and hopefully in the future you too will get some laughs out of this insane life I live as a mother of three!