I just read a story of a woman who just lost her son to drugs.http://mamapundit.com/

I have not read her entire blog, but instead read a lot of her recent posts and stared at her sons beautiful pictures. And it got me thinking...what kind of parent am I really...do I actually fit the AP mold? Here is a message I shared with my local AP group.

So these recent posts and a few on another message board I belong to got me thinking. What exactly is AP? There seem to be so many different opinions, so I am curious as to what it means to you.

AP to me means parenting with my natural instincts. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mother. I have wanted to breastfeed a child, cuddle, love, nurture, wake up next to my baby every morning. I have achieved that, times 3. It is amazing, and I love being a mother. Most days.

I never considered the fact that I may not be an AP parent because for a time in my life, I didn't want to be a mother, at least not to one of my children. I couldn't handle the screaming, and if I could have given him away without the fear of missing him, I would have. I have lost my temper on all 3 of my children, I have yelled, I have even screamed. I have given them junk infested food, used disposable diapers, and had my fair share of days where they sat in front of the television so I could either get some things done, or be selfish and have some time to sit and read a book. My kids don't call the shots either. They are made to do plenty of things they don't want to.

Eating organically, using cloth diapers (my stash is up for sale if anyone is interested) and trying to protect my child from everything isn't something I can do 24/7. I do know that I try my best to be the best mother I can be. Most days. I do know that I can help my children be the best people they can be, but ultimately that is their choice. I can guide them in school and help them with friends. But if they choose to hang out with bad people I know I only have so much control over that. I can't protect my children from everything. I am learning that all to well with a first grader. But as a parent, I know that is not my job. My job is to teach and guide. It is ultimately up to my child to choose his or her life path. I just hope they choose a good one.