My crazy mommy life...

My brain has a cramp.

2010-06-29T09:08:00.000-04:00

No really. It hurts. It has been hurting. My blog posts reflect that. Not that I am some ridiculously talented writer or anything, but I generally think of myself as a bit witty, but in recent posts all of that has been gone. It isn't that nothing crazy or funny has been happening in my life, every day is full of that. I just can't seem to write it down. I started this blog for various reasons, mostly I want to be able to keep my kids antics connected with family that lives far away...which is EVERYONE. It has served as a sort of personal diary, something maybe the kids can look back on someday and laugh.
Maybe I need more sleep. I have a newfound addiction to television shows from Netflix...currently it is Dexter. My love for forensics is returning. I need some curtains on my windows too...now that we have moved and our house seems to be lit up by the street lights and the lights in the harbor. We didn't have street lights before. Or the coast guard lights. Or any lights. It was dark. And private. Not like our current but absolutely lovely fishbowl we now live in. We designed the damn house...I never thought about window treatments or street lights. I laid in bed last night and looked at all my lovely windows. There are 9 of them in my bedroom alone. NINE. On 2 walls. What in the hell was I thinking?!??! The view is great...the sunsets are phenomenal. But I never considered the damn street lights.
I think we are venturing to Ikea today...

STOP! I want to get off!

2010-06-28T10:25:00.000-04:00

Life really doesn't feel fair today. At all. My heart is absolutely breaking today for a couple I went to HS with...their daughter just died of brain cancer last night. She was 8. EIGHT. Why? Why does this stuff have to happen?

I cannot fathom losing a child. It is my worst nightmare. I am going to take my kid out and have a good time now...hug them a little tighter...give them ice cream a time or two extra today.

My heart goes out to you Tara and Mike. I am so sorry.

I think I have recovered!

2010-06-25T07:06:00.000-04:00

Or I am at least on the mend. I met Tony after work on Wednesday and we decided to buy some kayaks. He passed his final test with a 98, so it was time to celebrate. After moving into our house and seeing all the boats and kayaks in the harbor, it was most certainly time! So we both got one, and we even got one for Jonathan. The kids were ecstatic and could not wait to get them in the water! It was all Jacob talked about yesterday. So when Tony got home from work, we went out.

Jonathan enjoyed the first 2 minutes before he was done and ready to go back. Don't be fooled, the boy was tethered to me. He only lost his paddle once, thank goodness they float! I refused to let him quit, so he kept on paddling. We were going against the current, and the tide was still on its way out, so it isn't like it was the easiest thing to do in the first place. But I will give him credit, even though he complained almost the entire way, he did enjoy himself, and he kept trying.

Tony had Jacob in his kayak, and I had Victoria. The two of them really enjoyed it. Well, for the most part.

This picture doesn't even look like my daughter, but nevertheless it is. We had just turned around and started to head back because some storms were moving in, and to be honest, we have no clue where the salt marsh comes out to the river. The rip tide is pretty nasty there, a place that I most certainly don't want to get caught in with my kids let alone myself. But we had a blast! The coolest part is when the tide is in, we can literally walk across the street and dump the boats in the harbor! I can't wait for that!

I think I have the plague!

2010-06-23T11:59:00.000-04:00

Seriously. The "cold" is kicking my ass. It is a beautiful day outside, yet we won't be venturing to the beach as we should...especially since today is the first day of summer vacation. Sorry kids...you brought these germs home (yes, I blame my children...they were ill first!) and because you smother me in kisses I am now sick. I love your kisses, but keep those germies to yourself! I still love you though!

Mama is sick.

2010-06-22T10:43:00.000-04:00

That is all. Blah.

The team meeting results.

2010-06-21T06:57:00.000-04:00

Jonathan gets an IEP. Starting in second grade my son will be a SPED student. Ugh. Kick in the gut.

I know this is a good thing, and there is nothing wrong with getting help when you need it. There is nothing wrong with special ed. A lot of kids have IEP's nowadays. I probably wouldn't feel so bad if it was Jacob or Victoria with one. But it is Jonathan. The kid that has overcome EVERYTHING. The one who wasn't supposed to walk or talk. I made all that happen. I worked with him every single day to get him moving, to gain control of his left side. I wanted him to develop like a normal kid. And he did. He and I did that together. And now I have failed him. Granted I know that I cannot control everything, but I could have helped him a bit more. I could have fought him more on reading, spelling, and made him sit and do it. I could have helped him more. And I didn't.

That being said, it seems as though Jonathan really doesn't have any issues learning the material, he is struggling with processing it. He isn't stupid by any means. He really isn't even slow. Well, technically he is, but learning wise he isn't. But his brain shuts down when he looks at a page with 25 math problems. Give him 5 or even 10 math problems, he has no issues. Give him 25 on a page and he cannot do it. Give him 10 minutes to do it, forget about it. Let him take his time, it will get done. And he is stuck on sounding every word out, which is totally screwing him. It is a good habit, but not for sight words. It is good for words that you have never read before, or long words. But there is no reason to sound out the word THE. And he does. Every single time.

So the good news is that he will still be learning the same information as his peers. He will be learning the same materials at the same pace, just in smaller blocks. I am hoping to get him caught up a bit this summer and really work on sight words and reading. That would help him immensely to start second grade. I have told him that we will be doing school work all summer, and he isn't so happy about that, but he does know that when he fills up his journal a new bike will be coming. That is 50 journal entries. He can write in it more than once a day if he wants. He just needs 50 entries. 50 good entries. Anyone want to guess when he will be getting his new bike?

Spreading the good news...

2010-06-18T20:19:00.001-04:00

I have decided not to share Jonathan's team meeting today, instead talk about my beautiful girly girl. I really cannot believe that she is GIRLY! I didn't think it was genetically possible, but this little girl is all about shoes, dresses, now jewels and did I say shoes? We bought her some of those cheesy dress ups shoes for her birthday, you know the ones that have a little heel (which I am completely opposed to little girls wearing heels) and the princess faces on them. Well, she tried on every pair (there were four), decided she like the pink ones best, and screamed because I wouldn't let her wear them to bed. I am not looking forward to the day she wants to wear them outside of the house.

Here her brothers are helping her put them on.

In all her glory...

And waiting for cake...check the shoes!

I hope she stays girly. She does like dirt, mud, and cars. But she likes to be fashionable while playing...much more than I ever did!

AAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDD both boys are riding 2-wheelers now. Jonathan was a bit afraid to take his training wheels off his bike (he is almost 8 for goodness sake!) even though he could actually ride without them as we tried. Jacob decided he didn't want his on anymore either, so of course Jonathan made sure he was out there one upping his brother. Nothing like a good bit of competition! I am so proud of them both! I think a bike might be in my future!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

2010-06-17T07:17:00.001-04:00

I can't believe I got to keep you...

Natural childbirth is amazing!

So beautiful.

Your brothers were so excited!

Everyone thought it was me obsessed with pink...really it was Daddy! He is infatuated with his baby girl!

First fluffy bum!

YOU'RE ONE!

Miss Personality!

Where has time gone! Happy Birthday Baby Girl! You have done things for us that we cannot even describe! I never knew I had an emptiness inside me until you were born and filled it! We love you!

Wordless Wednesday...a little early.

2010-06-15T21:33:00.000-04:00

I guess this really isn't wordless, I have a really busy day and have wanted to do this.

Photo Challenge Week 1 - Self Portrait

2010-06-15T14:28:00.000-04:00

I had fun playing around...:)

Crazy thing is that is how I feel most days! Eek!

Sometimes you just forget.

2010-06-14T13:49:00.000-04:00

We got the packet from Jonathan's IEP evaluation today. His meeting is on Wednesday. I just want to cry.

Looking at him I forget sometimes how far he has come. I forget that the boy had a severe head injury. I forget that we were told he would never walk and talk. I forget my son had a stroke. How in the world can I forget?

I have to forget. I have to forget the NICU. I have to forget the two spinal taps they gave my baby before he was even 4 days old. I have to forget the IV's in his head, the seizures, the medications, the tears, the screams. I have to forget the incredible heartache of knowing that something was horribly wrong with my baby. I have to forget the guilt of thinking it was something that I did. I have to forget the worry of always knowing something was going to be wrong. I have to forget the MRI image of my son's brain. In order to move on, I have to forget.

I focus more on the good things. Like his typical annoying 7 year old behavior. Or that he rides a bike without training wheels (pressure from your 4 year old brother doing it does a boy good!). The fact that my son can walk and talk is amazing. Jonathan is amazing.

I am dumbfounded at how all that heartache can come racing back, and the tears can start to flow from a silly test score. Just when I thought I tucked all that pain away far enough for it not to come out, it does.

Breast milk is more addicting than heroin.

2010-06-11T07:53:00.000-04:00

I find it rather amusing that people around me don't realize that I am still nursing V. Yes, my baby turns 2 in a week...actually 6 days if you are really counting. And yes, I am still breastfeeding. With no end in sight. I nursed the boys for about 2 years each, and to be honest, I don't remember them nursing as much as V does. The girl loves her milk. And I mean she LOVES her milk. If I sit down, she is right there with me asking for it. ALL.THE.TIME. And in the middle of the night...she always wants to belly up to the bar and get drunk. ALL.NIGHT.LONG. We attempted night weaning a few months back, only to end up with a stomach virus where the only nourishment she was getting was from me, so we went back to full on all night milk bar. And then I exposed her to chicken pox and I thought that if she was sick and not feeling well that her milk would make things better. Well, no chicken pox, so we started night weaning again 2 nights ago. Whoa. Psycho girl! Thank goodness it was cold and rainy, as I am sure if the windows in the house were open the police would have certainly been called by the neighbors. Can you say blood curdling screams? For about 2 hours? Last night was a bit better...hopefully tonight will be no complaining. I am in the market to get a full nights sleep, and I hope that I get it soon.
And for those of you wondering...I am not sure when I will be weaning completely. Right now there is no need to, and I am not ready to give up the ability to put my daughter to sleep quickly. Nothing like nursing a baby to sleep...works like a charm! That and I really don't want her to go through too much withdrawal at once! Besides...how can anyone tell that girl no?!?!

Reality Check.

2010-06-10T07:27:00.002-04:00

I have muscular dystrophy. There. I said it.

Yesterday I was moving hay bales and I am paying for it this morning. I generally don't have many symptoms of it, except when I do some sort of strenuous activity. I have what they call Limb-Girdle Muscular Dystrophy. I got booted out of the Army in week 5 of basic training because my body was failing me, and this was my first clue. It took me the birth of both boys to actually see a doctor to find out what was going on. Generally after childbirth you feel like you got hit by a mack truck for a few days. Well, my truck hit me, ran me over a few times, and kept coming back to run me over some more. Instead of taking a few days to be on the mend (mind you, childbirth for any woman takes quite some time to recover from, but I am talking just the ability to get up and move) it takes me a few weeks. I remember struggling just to hold the boys. When Jacob was 4 weeks old I had a muscle biopsy done, it came back abnormal, so the doctor wanted to do a muscular dystrophy blood panel. I remember hearing him say that, but I don't think it registered. And then I got the phone call. Yes, I found out, on the phone, that I had muscular dystrophy. He told me the exact name of it, asked me if I had any questions, and said to go back and see him once a year. Nice. Real nice.

Needless to say, I have not been back. I successfully gave birth to another child, but did it without the use of pitocin (yeah for natural childbirth!) and my body responded a bit better. I don't need someone to tell me how I am doing. I think I am pretty good at figuring that out for myself. I have already been told that there is nothing I can do to make it any better, he pretty much told me that it won't kill me, but I may be wheel chair bound at some point. Yay! Thanks for the good news! Maybe the 11 year age difference between my husband and I is really a good thing! Motorized scooters, here we come!

On a good note, I am going to be calling my doctor to see if I can have insurance pay for massage therapy...I will let you know! ;)

Wordless Wednesday...Sunset from my bedroom window

2010-06-09T07:38:00.002-04:00

Vaccines, you either love them, or hate them.

2010-06-08T07:06:00.002-04:00

I personally hate them. But let me just start off this post by saying that whether or not to vaccinate your child is a very personal choice, and whether you do or do not does not make you a bad parent. After loads of research, I have decided we are done. All this after my 7 year old is fully vaxed, my 4 year old is partially vaxed (about half) and my 2 year old...well, she has had 3.

As a new parent I was so afraid of everything. Especially having a child that was supposed to have profound disabilities. I was barely 24 when Jonathan was born, and all I wanted to do was protect him. He was vaccinated against EVERYTHING...if they had a shot, he was getting it. Although there were a few that the doctors wouldn't give him, because of the potential seizure side effect. It took me about 6 months to actually look into that, and then my research began. Fast forward to the birth of Jacob. The kid screamed if you touched him from the get go. So I started to be a bit cautious because I really didn't want to piss him off by giving him shots all the time. He screamed enough already, why add to his misery. And after all his food allergy issues came to light and I started to research all of that, info started popping up on vaccines also. ACK! Too much information for me to process! And then fast forward to Victoria. I she didn't get poked once in the hospital...well, she did get a heel stick to check her bili level for jaundice at the same time they did her PKU testing. She didn't receive the standard vitamin K shot, no eye goop, nothing. I didn't have gonorrhea so why in the hell would I need to put antibiotics in her eyes? And then, no vaccines. By standards they were supposed to get 4 shots at their 2 month well baby visit...barf. That is A LOT! We didn't start Victoria getting anything until after her first birthday. And then I read this article in my Mothering magazine called The Vaccine Debate. Awesome article! Very informative! I highly suggest it! PLEASE READ IT! So anyway, after doing more research and talking with my pediatrician (who by the way is pro-vaccine for the most part but doesn't get the flu vax himself, nor the H1N1, and thinks the chicken pox vaccine is for convenience only) and discovered that I will not be getting fired for choosing not to vaccinate my children anymore, that we have now stopped. For the time being. Victoria got a Hib_vaccine in January and ended up with a swollen leg and she refused to walk for 2 days. That was enough for me.

On to the chicken pox...we are on day 17 of a second exposure. Nothing. Nada. Zero. Ziltch. Talk about piss me off. I feel guilty about knowingly exposing them to this dreaded but virtually harmless virus. Yes I do. But I would much rather them get it now, like I did as a young child. The alternative is getting the vax, that who knows how effective it is, and hoping that they get the boosters as they get older. I have this gut feeling that in the future we are going to have a whole generation of adults that get incredibly sick from the chicken pox because they got vaccinated as children, but forgot about the boosters as adults. Just like the issue with pertussis. Yes, we all got vaccinated as children, but how many of us have gotten the boosters? I know I haven't!

Vaccinating is a hard question. You feel guilty if you do, yet freak out if you don't. And the pressure...oh the pressure. Here, let us tell you the horrible nasty things that can happen to your child if you don't get this vaccine. Ah yes, and in small print they will share with you what can happen if they DO get the vaccine. Listen to your heart. If you want to, then by all means, go ahead. But if you don't, please don't do it. You can always do it later. But after you inject whatever vaccine it is, you can't take it back out. My only request if you do vaccinate is this: go easy on them. It is suggested to get multiple shots at one visit...go for one shot. You don't have to pay a co-pay for a nurse visit! And if they do have a reaction, you will know which one they have reacted to. If you choose to get multiple shots, you will never know what caused the problem.

What could have been...

2010-06-07T06:45:00.002-04:00

So last night as I was nursing Victoria to sleep, I had this sudden realization how different life really could have been. And it hit me. How lucky we have been with Jonathan. I have posted about his birth and that we were told he would never walk and talk, and I envisioned him with severe cerebral palsy and in a wheel chair. To the point that I could see him in the chair, and could feel myself pushing it. I just wanted to vomit.

I would have loved him just the same, and just like everything else, Tony and I would have dealt with it. I still would have been proud to be his mother, smothered him with kisses every chance I could, and wanted to give him everything in the world. But if Jonathan's outcome would have been what the doctors had told us it would be, would I have these other two beautiful children? I know that if they were never conceived I wouldn't have known the difference...but man, the thought of it makes my heart just ache. Would Tony and I have actually made it? Probably. We seem to be able to make it through anything. Would he be working where he is now? Would we live in our new house? Who would my friends be?

Thoughts like that make me so grateful for what I do have. Jonathan has a few struggles in school, but we are not sure if that is stroke related or not. Any kid can have those issues. But he walks, he talks, he climbs trees, he annoys the shit out of us...he is absolutely fantastic.

Life is good.

Goodness me...3 days in a row!

2010-06-04T18:28:00.002-04:00

It is a record! Yay for me.

So with all this darkness that seems to be running rampant lately, I want to share some good. Tonight is pizza and movie night in our house, nothing better than homemade pizza and curling up on the couch with the kiddies!

Jacob finished with preschool yesterday. He made some really big strides and we saw some huge changes in him since we switched his preschool. The first one he was at was horrific. He would scream and cry every time we would drop him off, and home life sucked big time. The teacher pretty much told me I was raising a psychopath and he needed some psychiatric intervention. His new preschool teachers...they think he is WONDERFUL! And ridiculously cute to boot! He goes to an 'old school' school. They learn completely though play and experimentation. When I picked him up yesterday the handed me a HUGE folder pasted full of pictures of his 6 months there along with all his cool art work. He cannot wait to go back in September. This school is incredibly awesome...if you are in my area and want to know more about it, please let me know.

Jonathan got a 10 on his spelling test today...it is amazing what a bribe of ice cream can do! We are still incredibly proud, we just really wish he would WANT to learn, not want a trip to the ice cream store. Oh well, it is a start right?

And my baby...my Victoria. I cannot believe she turns 2 in 2 short weeks. Actually, 13 days if you are really counting. We are 14 days into an exposure to chicken pox...I am sure hoping she gets them. Jacob too...and then hopefully Jonathan. But more on my insane parenting practices later. If they do come down with them, you can be sure that I will let everyone know, and be the cruel mom and post pics. I need proof anyway for the doctors office so they won't give me shit about not vaccinating them.

Have a great weekend everyone!

2010-06-03T09:28:00.004-04:00

Henry Louis Granju

I cannot begin to tell you how effected I have been by this boy, and his mothers writing. I am absolutely heartbroken with the loss of this beautiful child, yet profoundly inspired by his mothers love and courage. I hope you take the time to read what Katie has shared in her blog. It is truly inspiring.

Katie, your are an amazing mother and person. I hope that the memory of Henry lives on and justice is brought to those that have done this. Rest In Peace Henry Louis Granju.

2010-06-02T11:50:00.003-04:00

I just read a story of a woman who just lost her son to drugs.http://mamapundit.com/

I have not read her entire blog, but instead read a lot of her recent posts and stared at her sons beautiful pictures. And it got me thinking...what kind of parent am I really...do I actually fit the AP mold? Here is a message I shared with my local AP group.

So these recent posts and a few on another message board I belong to got me thinking. What exactly is AP? There seem to be so many different opinions, so I am curious as to what it means to you.

AP to me means parenting with my natural instincts. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mother. I have wanted to breastfeed a child, cuddle, love, nurture, wake up next to my baby every morning. I have achieved that, times 3. It is amazing, and I love being a mother. Most days.

I never considered the fact that I may not be an AP parent because for a time in my life, I didn't want to be a mother, at least not to one of my children. I couldn't handle the screaming, and if I could have given him away without the fear of missing him, I would have. I have lost my temper on all 3 of my children, I have yelled, I have even screamed. I have given them junk infested food, used disposable diapers, and had my fair share of days where they sat in front of the television so I could either get some things done, or be selfish and have some time to sit and read a book. My kids don't call the shots either. They are made to do plenty of things they don't want to.

Eating organically, using cloth diapers (my stash is up for sale if anyone is interested) and trying to protect my child from everything isn't something I can do 24/7. I do know that I try my best to be the best mother I can be. Most days. I do know that I can help my children be the best people they can be, but ultimately that is their choice. I can guide them in school and help them with friends. But if they choose to hang out with bad people I know I only have so much control over that. I can't protect my children from everything. I am learning that all to well with a first grader. But as a parent, I know that is not my job. My job is to teach and guide. It is ultimately up to my child to choose his or her life path. I just hope they choose a good one.

Okay...new year, lots of new stuff...I need to keep up with this!

2009-12-31T08:28:00.003-05:00

So, I have some things I need to accomplish, and hopefully I can keep on track. Here is the daunting list:

1. Declutter. We move in just about 3 months. I have all sorts of 'stuff' that I have no desire to take with us. The crap just needs to go.

2. I so need to lose a few pounds. I am hoping to get Tony to jump on board with me. He is generally good for a day or two before giving up. But for the health of both of us, we really need to lose some weight. Maybe I can get him out walking, and I am the one that goes grocery shopping...hee hee hee...more tomatoes and rice honey?

3. Housekeeping...enough said.

4. Budgeting. With our mortgage payment doubling, I need to cut some costs. At least until we sell our current house. I am already working on the food budget, but I can't go for the cheap processed junk. I wish the good stuff was cheap!

5. I need to update this blog more often...and post pics of the kids for my Dad. I keep telling him I will, but never do. Such a bad daughter. Ugh. The pic up top is for you...

What the hell was she thinking?

2009-11-28T12:11:00.004-05:00

My inlaws take the boys (and sometimes but very rarely the girl) every Saturday (something we sort of like, but wish it wasn't every Saturday...but more about that some other time) and take them to some sort of activity. For some reason, she decided she would take the boys to get their pictures taken with Santa. Today. Without their baby sister. Or their parents. Um, no.

"Oh look boys...we can go to this (Lighting the town Christmas tree), they will light the christmas tree and then Santa will come and you can get your picture taken with him!"

BOYS: "SANTA!"

Me: "I don't think so...please think of a different activity, Tony will throw a fit!(I throw him under the bus as much as possible with his mother! Love you honey!)

MIL: "But why?"

ME: "Because that is our thing to do with them. It is our family tradition, and we would like to keep it!"

MIL: Very disturbed look on her face...

I know she is mad. But due to this every single Saturday activity with the boys, we never get to do anything with them. And this is our family tradition, generally we go get the picture, and then the tree. My inlaws always beat us to the punch on everything. But not today. It is so bad that the kids don't want to hang out with us anymore because we don't wine and dine them like their grandparents do. It is bad enough we are about to move in next door to them...I wish we lived further away!

HAPPY TURKEY DAY

2009-11-26T07:33:00.003-05:00

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving...Jonathan and I ran out this morning bright and early to get a newspaper for the ads...I can't wait to go shopping tomorrow! I started Black Friday Shopping for the first time last year, I even brought Victoria with me, but this year the kids will be at home with Daddy! I know it is insane, but for some reason I love the chaos. And the thrill of actually finding a good deal. I have some presents to make, and fabric is cheap at JoAnns, so that is my first stop. Or maybe I might ransack the toy store first...who know!

I am thankful for my wonderful husband, who means everything to me. Without him I wouldn't be living my dream of being a Mother. And he is an incredible Dad. Love ya babe!

I am thankful for Jonathan...an amazing boy with a heart bigger than anyone knows.
I am thankful for Jacob...he shows me some of the most intense love I have ever felt...and he is an incredible kisser.
I am thankful for Victoria...she has done something for me that I cannot even explain. She filled an emptiness in my heart that I didn't realize that I had.

What are you thankful for?

Why is he so miserable?

2009-11-24T18:40:00.003-05:00

I am at a point of total frustration right now with Jacob. He is a miserable human being. The sun can shine out of his ass and there is still this big looming cloud hanging over his head. It isn't as though he is never happy...because life is wonderful when he isn't thinking of anything. He can be smiling, laughing, and all kissy face one minute, then you ask him a question about something and he puts on this horrid depressed face and says he like nothing, no one, and he is going to do nothing. What in the hell is wrong with this kid?

I know that Jacob has always had a 'struggling' personality. He is a spirited child to say the least. And he has been since day 1. They couldn't even keep him on CPAP in the NICU because he was screaming so hard and loud. He had severe colic with food allergies and severe tummy problems. He cried. And cried. And giggled. And giggled. And giggled some more. One of those great belly laughs that he still has. And then he cried some more. And now 4 years later, he still does the same thing.

It makes me sad to see him so sad. I wish I knew what to make him happy besides giving in to his every want and need. As long as you do every single thing he says, he will smile. If you don't do it right, or heaven forbid you say no...watch out. He is so smart and funny, and handsome and charming...and miserable. Anyone have any bright ideas of getting him out of his funk permanently?

I remember going through this with Jonathan, but it wasn't as intense. I could generally walk away from him and feel okay about it. I am struggling with walking away from Jakey. We went to Jo Ann fabrics today to pick out some material to make him a duvet cover. He is sleeping with a Sesame Street comforter that my grandfather bought him from a garage sale a few years ago, and although he doesn't complain, I think it is about time he gets a big boy one. He wanted pirates. Great, easy enough. He was incredibly picky about what was acceptable, but we finally did find 2 fabrics. We brought it up to the counter to be measured...and there wasn't enough. Of either. I thought we could pick out some cool skull fabrics and make a border (this would have solved the problem) and he just wouldn't have it. Refused to even look at any more fabric. He just walked away. I was heartbroken. The women in Jo Ann fabrics were heartbroken. How can a 4 year old boy make everyone feel so bad?

The truth behind stretchmarks...

2009-11-23T14:07:00.007-05:00

Stretchmarks. Those lovely little marks that many women get from pregnancy. If you have ever been pregnant, or are pregnant, or are thinking of becoming pregnant, I am sure that you have had your fair share of advice about how to prevent these lovely little 'badges' of motherhood. Let me just tell you. It is all bullshit. Yes, that is right. Bullshit. Rub cocoa butter on your belly. I did it. Made my skin smell good, and helped with the itchies, but I still got stretchmarks. I was destined to have them. My mother had them. My grandmother had them. When I hit puberty and my boobs grew...you guessed it. I got stretchmarks. So take my genetic predisposition to them...and add about 35 inches to my waist. Sorry folks, there is no cream that could help me. No million dollar miracle in a bottle could help my skin...and I hate to tell you, it won't help yours either. The top picture of me is when I was 37 weeks pregnant with Jacob...I couldn't even button my large size maternity jeans. And that shirt, extra large.

32 Weeks pregnant...I think I measured about 40 weeks here. I was big.

And the day before I delivered Victoria...with a normal sized pregnant belly...but in all its glory!

I can't say I love my post-babies body. If I could have some plastic surgery I am sure I would take a little tummy tuck to remove the apron of extra skin I have been left with (I know, wonderful image I just gave you isn't it!) and pull everything taught. But I am okay with it. This body grew 3 babies, birthed them, and fed them. What is a little extra sagging skin here and there? I just wish I never would have wasted my money on the cream!

Christmas is coming!

2009-11-22T10:01:00.003-05:00

Some fun ideas to make for gifts:

I-Spy-Bag

felt-playhouse This is Victoria's 2nd Birthday present...I will begin work after we move
For the garden of the above playhouse:
strawberries-for-picking
pea-pods
dirt
plants

wands
Crown

I will be back with more ideas...including my own gift I am making for myself...a breastmilk pendant. So excited for that!

Could I actually get back into this?

2009-11-20T06:48:00.000-05:00

So after popping off my strong opinion once again yesterday, and being shoved in my place once again (although I do feel as though my post was VERY valid) on another blog, I have decided to keep my opinions to myself, and just blog about them. I am finding myself getting into 'cyber-wars' with others. Not because they don't agree with me (although I will admit it drives me nuts) but mainly because they, like me, often see things one sided. And as we all know, there are 2 sides to everything. I am trying my hardest to look at both. All the time. Yes, I know, good luck to me.

So my first topic to spout off about...kids and TV. I generally don't let my kids watch much television. But a little here and there isn't bad. When there is no school...the television is on a good part of the day. And Victoria does watch TV. Otherwise I would get nothing done. Including this blog post. As I write this, they are sitting in front of the television watching a Leap Frog video. Yeah for me and letting the kids watch mind numbing television while I surf the Internet. The stellar parent award goes to me!

Man, this is tough!

2009-04-03T13:06:00.001-04:00

So this blogging business is so much harder than I ever imagined. I cannot believe my friend Ellen does it DAILY! Granted it sort of goes along with her profession, I still don't see how she finds the time. I value my sleep too much to stay awake and blog at midnight. Man, she is a trooper.
So I made it to the gym today. Lets just say it has been awhile. I climbed on the eliptical and did the fit test. It was great. I spent 25 minutes on it, and I really had to push myself at the end because my body was T.I.R.E.D, but I thought I did wonderful. That is until the stupid machine told me I was in POOR shape. Gee, thanks for the reminder. I hope that in the next month I will move up in the eliptical world from 'poor' status to maybe middle class. Okay, maybe lower middle. I have been planning on getting back to the grind for the past few months, there is no reason I cannot make it there daily. We have a family memebership that includes FREE babysitting. I get an hour for Victoria, and 2 hours for the boys. When Victoria turns 1 I will get to leave her for 2 hours also. No excuse. I am just lazy. The stupid machine says so anyway.

I thought about posting my current weight up here, but decided against it. I will just post as the pounds come off, and maybe at some point do a before and after pic. Thats gutsy!

Victoria has finally cut her first tooth, and is working on a second. I am so excited that I can put her hair in pony tails too! Gosh that girl is cute! Jacob goes to the endochronologist at the end of this month, but he has grown a half inch in a month, so hopefully he has actually decided to start growing on his own. That would be WONDERFUL! Jonathan starts soccer in a few weeks, and I am ridiculously excited for some reason. It may be because the kid is a whiz with his feet, and I can't wait for him to learn how to use this natural talent that he seems to have. It must be the strong English blood he has running through his veins!

I am still trying to adjust to Tonys new schedule. This will take some time. We do however enjoy his 8 days off in a row, and luckily this month they fall on Spring Break. We are looking to take a road trip down to Maryland to see Tony's brother and his family. Jonathan has been talking pretty nonstop about his cousins, so we thought we would try to visit. It should be an interesting trip...a few thousand miles with 3 kids? Are we insane? I am looking forward to visiting D.C. with the kids, Jonathan is quite interested in history and 'Barack Obama' and Jacob thinks "Barack Obamama rocks". I feel like a little kid waiting for this trip, as I have not been in 15 years. I figure if I enjoyed it so much at 15 when I didn't give a shit about the government and history, I will really enjoy it now.

I am done talking about nothing...and will be posting some pics of the kids here soon. So if they aren't here when you are reading this, check back soon!

I am changing the way I blog...

2009-03-09T09:33:00.000-04:00

I just have way too much going on in life to be able to blog on a daily basis like I had planned. So now I am going to shoot for once a week...with some adorable shots of the kids, a blurb here and there about what is happening, and that is it. I can't keep up with my peers and their blogs, nor do I feel as though I have much that is interesting to say...I just don't get out much, and life really revolves around my kids. So hopefully this week I will get to posting some pictures, but for now this is what I have for the week. Here is one of my favorite WAHM's though...

www.simplycleanok.com

Jenny's Simply Clean laundry detergent. Simply homemade. And simply lovely. I have never had better smelling laundry, or cleaner. And it is cheap. Check out the site...you can pretty much sent your detergent to anything you want. I personally have tried a few...currently we have Vanilla, and I have Birthday Cake scented diaper pail freshner. Makes me want to eat the powder in the bag...and I have to say that I enjoy doing laundry. Besides...if this can remove what ever grime the boys find, it has to be good!

And just so you know...Jenny has no idea that I have put her on my blog...I get nothing for this besides the fact that I know I have shared an amazing product with you. Here is to good smelling laundry!

Autism vs. Vaccines

2009-03-03T09:27:00.000-05:00

So, what is your take?

I was just reading my Mothering magazine (www.mothering.com ) and they have a great article in there about the actual cost of a child having autism. And they always have little blurbs about vaccines containing mercury and the autism link. It is a great magazine...you should really check it out...but anyway...

We selectively vaccinate. We don't do it because of the autism fear, we do it because we think it is asking way too much of a 2 month old baby's body to handle the invasion of 5+ innoculations at one time. And I personally believe there is a link with autism and vaccines, along with a genetic predisposition. Put the two together, bad things happen. We started out with Jonathan wanting him to be fully vaccinated. Here I was, a young mom with a newborn that had all sorts of issues, the last thing I wanted was for him to get sick. And the things they tell you if you choose not to vaccinate...JEEZ! They make it seem like you are abusing your child for not sticking them with hundreds of needles! We were told we couldn't do certain vaccines due to a seizure risk...hhhhhmmmm. Talk about frightening! I just got my newborn to stop seizing, you tell me all the risks and harm that can happen to him if I don't vaccinate, and then you tell me "oh wait, we can't give him that one because it has the possible side effect of seizures" Thanks but no thanks. I started doing a bit more research and vaccinating him slowly.

Fast forward to Jacob...my second baby in the NICU. This trip wasn't nearly as bad as our trip with Jonathan, but I knew that I didn't want him poked and poked and poked some more. But once again, I felt a little bullied. And then with Jacobs GI issues and food allergies, and the fact that he had issues with constantly crying (why am I the only one that ever remembers this???) I was done with multiple shots on one visit. One at a time, that was it. I couldn't stand how hysterical he was after leaving the doctors...and he would draw it out, for weeks.

Fast forward some more...we have Victoria...she thankfully didn't go to the NICU. Healthy. We get to take her home. They want to stick her before we leave the hospital...WHAT??? She is 24 hours old and you want to do what? Oh, and the list for vaccines has increased. They now *need* the roto virus. So needless to say, if you or whomever is taking care of your child has fecal material on your or their hands and you don't wash them before sticking them in your infants mouth, they may get sick. But they have a vaccine to take care of that for you, so thankfully we can now skip hand washing after using the toilet. V is almost 9 months old, and she has had 2 vaccines. Actually, 2 shots in a series of 3. I am supposed to bring her in every few weeks to get all of hers done, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

My pediatrician secretly hates vaccines. He would kill me if I outed him, so I won't (your welcome Dr. D!) but he dislikes the flu vaccine (he doesn't get it for himself and doesn't recommend it) and thinks the chicken pox vaccine and the rotovirus vaccines are for convenience only. Just so your kid doesn't get sick and you have to take a week off work. Nice.

So what is your take on this whole thing? I would be interested to hear what parents that have children with autism think of the vaccines. Do you vaccinate? If you do, do you get them all at one time like the AAP suggests?

Can you say FACEBOOK?

2009-03-02T21:07:00.001-05:00

I have to admit...I am a little embarrassed. I just got a facebook account.

The hubby and I were talking yesterday, and he asked if I had people who were in my life that I no longer talk to and if I ever wonder what happened to them. Uh, yes. Who doesn't? So I start Googling! And I find Facebook...so I join. I type in a random name from my past, and who would have thought that person knew a bunch of people that I used to know? We are talking people that shouldn't know eachother...it must be a conspiracy or something. Ex-boyfriends for goodness sake! So there I am now of Facebook...my new obsession!

Ever feel like a single parent?

2009-02-27T07:41:00.000-05:00

First off...let me just say that single parents have it tough. I was once once (only because my husband spent almost 18 month in Iraq) with only one child. It isn't an experience I ever want to do again. The above picture is of him in Iraq. Look how skinny he was! But anyway...

Do you ever feel like a single parent although you are not? This is honestly how I generally feel. Not because my husband doesn't ever help me, but because he works, and he works a lot. Long hours, tons of overtime, just so that I can stay home with our children. It has always been a priority for us to have me stay home with our children, especially after Jonathan. Who would take him to all his appointments? What about therapy? That in itself was a full time job. Anyway, Tony does work his fingers to the bone, it is a sacrifice. But one that does have its price. I generally have to do everything alone. Kids appointments, just me. Getting all three kids and myself out the door at 7:30 am Monday thru Friday, all me. Grocery shopping, laundry (although he really isn't allowed to do it...my choice) 90% of the housework, along with all the cooking, bathing, dressing, teaching, butt wiping, diaperchanging duties. It is me. I do feel like a single parent. He tries, but he can only do so much with his schedule. Until now...

HE IS HOME THIS MORNING! His schedule at work has FINALLY changed, and I have a little help. He was telling me this morning what he would like to accomplish today, and it includes heloping me! We are doing some spring cleaning! He is dropping Jonathan off at the bus stop! I will get to go grocery shopping today! I now have a partner in crime again! (he did used to have this schedule...until he changed employers...he is a power plant engineer and had to start over at the bottom...YUCK!)

So this is for all you single parents out there! I feel your pain! Now all you non-singles that feel that way...how do YOU do it???

2009-02-26T08:56:00.001-05:00

I Heart Faces...BW photography

2009-02-25T06:50:00.000-05:00

iheartfaces.blogspot.com/

Man I gotta learn how to do this right...anyway...my friend Ellen (lovethatmax.blogspot.com/) has this iheartfaces.blogspot.com/ on her blog today. I thought it would be fun, especially since I am really interested in photography and I love taking pictures of my kids. I just ordered my new DSLR camera, and I can't wait for it to come so I can start experimenting! There is a little contest I guess that happens every week, so go check it out!

Jakey is finally going to the Endo...

2009-02-24T13:07:00.000-05:00

Ugh. There, I said it.

Jacob is small...he actually stopped growing for awhile, and on average only grows about an inch a year. Yes ladies and gentlemen, the boy is 3 1/2. He stretches to an amazing 35 inches. He is, on average, the size of a 2 year old. I have in recent weeks seen 20 month old children bigger than he is. It is frightening to see a child who speaks baby talk to be taller than your child that speaks in complete sentences and has done so for quite some time. He still has the round baby face, and the baby buda belly. My poor boy. I am so scared of the testing...and what about what they will find??? Will I have to give him daily injections of growth hormones (he has had one test at the age of 2 that showed low levels). Can you imagine giving your child a daily injection? Or if you do actually have to give an injection to your child, how do you do it without breaking down in tears every single day???

Thank goodness he has a larger than life personality. I hope someone is out there reading this that has been there done that...I know things can be worse...hell, I have gone through worse. Being told your newborn will never walk or talk was probably the worst thing I have ever experienced, but that is done and over. Jonathan is fine. I still get sad when I think of him and what he has overcome. But that is just it, he has overcome it. I don't have to think of it on a daily basis. Jakey on the other hand...if we do the injections...oh yucky. I am so not looking forward to this appointment.

How do we get rid of the sickies???

2009-02-20T08:08:00.000-05:00

We have a sick house. Nothing terrible, just the constant cold be transferred from person to person. We did really well until about January, and since then we haven't been able to kick the sickies totally out of our house. Jonathan generally brings it home from school, or whatever function he may be going to. Birthday parties seem to really do him in...he has yet to go to one and not be sick 2 days later. Jacob, my dear boy Jacob, couldn't keep himself healthy if you paid him. He has a nose-picking habit that we are so desperately trying to break. His finger is CONSTANTLY up his nose. Even in his sleep...seriously. And poor Victoria is a victim of her brothers love...they like to smother her, and then transfer their germies. Lovely. Thank goodness I breastfeed! Who knows how sick she might be if I wasn't a nursing mother!

Currently I am working on sanitizing the house. They take their vitamins, and get probiotics along with some immune support supplements. What else can I do???

What do YOU do to keep the sickies at bay? Or what do YOU do to let them know they have overstayed their welcome and they need to leave? Any and all advice is greatly appreciated!

2009-02-19T06:15:00.000-05:00

How can something so sweet and innocent looking be driving me mental? That there is my beautiful baby girl. She is happy in that picture, but hasn't been so happy lately. And sleep, forget it. Maybe this is why she isn't so happy...or maybe why I am not so happy. Victoria has taken a liking to screaming at night. Loudly. I can't figure out quite why. She is teething, but she will still scream even loaded up with tylenol or motrin. Just not as much. But it is strange...she will nurse, fall asleep, and then wake in about 30 minutes bitching to move to the other side, or better yet, to lay on my chest. Even if there is still PLENTY of milk left on whatever side she is on, she doesn't want it. I must admit that I do love to have her sleeping on my chest. The boys gave up that habit at about 3 months...here she is at 8 monthsand still loving it. She still melts into me, and to sit and smell that baby smell (Tony thinks I am weird that I like to smell my kids!) as you sleep...there is nothing like it. More than 30 minutes of sleep at a time would be nice though.

So I am off with my tired self today to brave the Science Museum of Boston with my mother. I told myself that I wasn't going to do anything like this since it is February vacation week, but the kids are getting naughty and it is because they are bored. I would send them to a friends to play, but some are away, and whenever Jonathan visits anyone he seems to get sick. So dear ol' unemployed nurse mom will be at my side braving the crowds with me. She has no clue what she is getting into!

IIIIIMMMMMMMMM BBBBAAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKK!

2009-02-18T06:54:00.001-05:00

So, um, after a 2 week hiatus, I am back! Not exactly sure what I was doing for those two weeks, but none the less, here I am! I have a lot to say, and a lot to share, so lets get this week started (who cares if I start my week on Wednesday!?!?!) with a giveaway!

Ever heard of the band Milkshake? If you have children, have watched PBS or Noggin, you have likely heard of them. Anyway, they are a GREAT childrens band, and maybe a good Mom band too...I must admit that I generally go around singing whatever my kids are listening to. At the moment, it is Milkshake. We will do it this way:
1. Leave me a comment and you will be entered.
2. Leave me a comment with a link to your blog, which you will then link my blog to yours telling people about this lovely giveaway and you will be entered twice.

Sound good? Do you wanna know what you are playing for??? The first thing is a Milkshake "Play" CD. And then the bonus DVD called "Screen Play" which is some if not all of their music videos.

So, lets get it started! Jacob will draw a name out of a hat next Wednesday February 25th.

This week will hopefully be full of posts. I have so much on my mind, plus some lovely WAHM products to tell you about, some craft chat, favorite recipes, vacations, and who knows what else!

Good luck to all that enter!

Still using the tab button...

2009-01-29T08:52:00.000-05:00

Still tabbing away here! UGH! Found out yesterday though that it is a problem with the operating system. Thanks gateway! So now they are sending me a disc that will erase my computer and start new again. Yipee. So 3-8 business days from now I should be able to manage my way around the web again. Tabbing stinks. Sometimes it won't go where you want it, or if it hits an ad and it expands forget it, you are sitting there on that ad. Blah. So until then...I am off to enjoy cleaning or something. Oh and the house thing...there has been a setback, but hopefully we will be on the move again soon.

Oh someone please help me!!!!!!!!

2009-01-25T13:15:00.000-05:00

Victoria is on the move...and fast! She isn't officially 'crawling' but she rolls, scoots, spins...I am not ready for this! I would post pictures, but currently our mouse is broken...mysteriously overnight! So I have to tab through everything, and I am not doing so to post pictures! It is frustrating!

The easy thing would be to go purchase a new mouse...but we just got it. It is still under warranty. Besides, I haven't broken my challenge to myself of not spending any money this month besides on food and gas. Tony informed me we are out of paper towels...too bad honey, it isn't February 1st yet! Lets just hope that we don't run out of toilet paper this week! :)

We did it...we signed our lives away!

2009-01-23T07:31:00.000-05:00

We are now officially building a house! YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! For those of you that know, I am living in an 1100 square foot lovely little house right now with a family of 5, and a dog. We have no closets, and poor Victoria doesn't even have a real bedroom, let alone bed. We have no where to put anything. The boys room is fairly organized, but they also have 6 huge boxes of toys in the basement...some of which will be getting donated. This is a VERY cute little house, if it were just Tony and I, it would be perfect. Even if we just had one kid it would be perfect. But not with three. It is a big open floor plan, can be all first floor living...or has potential to be blown out upstairs for additional bedrooms and bathrooms...we have a HUGE yard, just under 2 acres, and a pond. Very private backyard also...lots of trees, tons of wildlife. Passed Title V...yep, I am advertising. It may be a little early, but we will be putting it on the market...or renting. So if you are looking, or know someone who is looking for a cute little house to rent or buy, send them our way!

Life is busy...

2009-01-22T13:39:00.000-05:00

I tell you...I don't know how working moms do it. Trying to get myself and 3 kids ready and out the door in the morning to get 2 of them off to school is hard, and then I have to feed them, and somehow manage to get laundry and such done...and then dinner on the table at 5 (this is what we shoot for) so that we can get the kids in bed around 6ish...yes, 6ish. Our children turn into werewolves after dark. Not so much if they are in jammies tucked into their beds with their eyes closed...so maybe it is Tony and I that turn into the werewolves...I don't know! We are so burnt out by then we are ready for bed ourselves...this was actually me last night. But with a 7 month old who is teething, a 3 year old that is still scared of 'eaters and poppers' and the occasional 6 year old nightmare sleep seems to still be in short supply around here. GGGRRRR!

On to the good stuff...I am going to try to get back to this daily again. It has been tough with everything going on around here. I think I have almost 3000 emails in my inbox...I have a lot of catching up to do! I am also going to be joining in on the contest/giveaway bandwagon. It is a surprise to come...but it is for the kiddos. Hoping to get more traffic too! Boring old me needs some more blogging friends and lives that I can intrude on!

One more thing...anyone ever build a house? How did you not kill your husband? I am going to need some good advice!

2009-01-07T07:50:00.000-05:00

So I was at home yesterday working on my forever to-do list, and I started to not feel so wonderful. It started with just itching...which isn't abnormal for me, especially in the winter. Soon I was feeling incredibly hot, almost like I had just sat in the blaring sun for 8 hours hot, and my skin started to feel as though someone was piercing it with tiny needles (think tattoo) so I looked in the mirror, and this is what I saw:

EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKK! The rash and the strange needle sensation actually traveled all the way down my body. I was also feeling dizzy, and as though someone was cupping my ears and my world was closing in. Oh shit! So I called my mother to come over and get the kids as I was sure that 911 would be getting a call from me any minute. I could feel my face swelling, and I knew that the feeling in my ears was a danger sign of a severe allergic reaction to something. Plus I was now feeling the needles all the way down to my fingertips, and it was starting in on my legs. I have pictures of my entire body, but I will spare you the almost nude shots! I took some Benadryl thanks to my mother reminding me that I do have some power to stop whatever was overtaking my body, and it helped. The next picture shows me about 20 minutes after the Benadryl:

Thankfully I returned to normal...now to figure out what caused it! Due to the severity of the reaction and the time it took to cover my entire body (about 5 minutes from the start I felt it in my toes) I may go see an allergist. I have been meaning to anyway due to my skin issues, so this may actually speed the process.

On to my to do list...a pile of laundry, along with a load of diapers (I should have done these last night...Victoria only has one fitted to wear at the moment!) and clean the kitchen. Oh, and it is trash day...and we are having loads of rain and sleet right now...such fun. I can't wait to take the trash and recycling out!

Glad to be feeling normal again! Have a good day all!

What gives you nightmares???

2009-01-06T06:09:00.000-05:00

I am writing this random post because Tony and I have been up the past 2 weeks or so with a petrified 3 year old...seems there are 'eaters' and 'poppers' that have been going to get him. What these mysterious scary things are, I have no idea. Jacob cannot describe them, in fact he thinks it is strange that we cannot see them. Either that or he deserves to win an Academy Award (which is entirely possible). He has been fighting us at bedtime, screaming about the 'eaters' first...they are coming to get him starting with his toes, they little beings scurring around the carpet waiting for us to leave and turn the lights out so they can go eat him. Wowzers! And then there are the 'poppers'. Same sort of thing, little beings, but they are going to pop his bed up, and pop him, not eat him. Last night it was actually so bad that by 3 am Tony put Jacob in our bed and slept on the couch. Jonathan has the occasional nightmare, but it is generally about Darth Vader or something of the like. Nothing like 'eaters' or 'poppers'. But Jacob has an incredible imagination. One like I have never seen before...

I have nightmares now about something happening to my family...more of possible reality dreams. The Jacob Wetterling story still gets me on occasion http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacob_Wetterling I think of this kid quite regularly. I remember this news story quite vividly, and having nightmares that the same would happen to me. I now have nightmares that the same will happen to one of my children. I don't even want to write about it. It just makes me sick. I cannot imagine losing a child and not actually knowing what happened or really where they are.

Tony has nightmares about Iraq...I don't ask for details.

So, what wakes you up at night? What wakes your kids? And if anyone has any ideas how to rid Jacobs mind of the 'eaters' and 'poppers' please let me know! We have tried the nightlight and the boogeyman spray! He doesn't fall for it!

2009-01-04T07:07:00.001-05:00

I did it!

2009-01-03T15:34:00.001-05:00

I just need to put new sheets on the beds and vacuum! All done in 1 day! Yipee! We are thinking the six giant boxes in the basement that are filled with toys will find their way to a garage sale or craigslist. Just don't tell the boys! The boxes have been in the basement for 7 months now, and they are not missing them! Never once asked about em' even!

I also didn't spend any money...so I kept on my no purchases in January unless it is groceries and gas! We have plenty of storage stuff in the basement, like the bins. But because we were moving, I took everything out of their room! We are still moving, just not for at least 6 months...ugh.

My largest project...the boys room.

2009-01-03T09:48:00.000-05:00

So here are the pictures that have been promised...I am hiding under my chair right now. We have been in the process of moving for oh I don't know...3 + years! So I have chosen not to do much with their bedroom...but all of this is changing. I cannot stand this mess. I can't stand the disorganization. THIS MAKES ME MENTAL! I am hoping that Tony will help me with this today. We want to get Jacobs GeoTrax set up on the bench seat thingy...you would think there was storage under there. There isn't. It is the ceiling to our bedroom. Hopefully I will get to post more pictures tonight of how clean and organized it is...or maybe later this week. I have a list a mile long today.

Here is my food diary from yesterday:

2 trader joes wheat free waffles with cranberry apple butter

1 pear

Spinach salad with tomatoes, orange peppers, red onion and shredded BBQ chicken that I made for Tony's sandwiches.

Cinnamon and sugar corn tortilla chips (I can't let them go to waste!)

Some sort of spicy indian dish with chickpeas, coconut rice and steamed sugar snap peas

2 trader joes chocolate covered bananas...these are actually low in calories...and I did need 2 for some reason.

Okay, I didn't do so well.

It's January 2nd people!

2009-01-02T05:51:00.000-05:00

So yesterday was a bust...I didn't get done what I wanted to, and I sat and ate cinnamon and sugar corn tortilla chips (mmmmmmm so yummy!) for dinner. I was just too lazy to make anything. Today I will try harder.

I kicked Tony out of bed this morning to get Jacob at 5 a.m. He needed to get up anyway, and I really didn't want to answer to "MMMMMMMMMooooooooommmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyy" yet. Jacob needed to pee, and who is a better candidate to take him but his father...after all they have the same parts and maybe they can pee together. Jacob likes that. So I pretended to be nursing Victoria. Hee Hee! Bad wife! I was just nursing her though...but she was fast asleep at my side by the time Jacob awoke. I did however get up about 5 minutes later to make Tony his lunch, and send him out the door with a breakfast sandwich. I would have made him coffee, but all of his coffee mugs are in his locker at work. Fantastic place for them! So he will be breaking our challenge of not spending any money besides on groceries or gas for the month. I think that makes up for me kicking him out of bed!

My to do list for the day:

1. Not eat the other half of the bag of cinnamon and sugar corn tortilla chips...this will be tough...but maybe I will turn this into a food journal too...I would hate for everyone to see what I eat all day long!

2. Finish laundry...and put it away.

3. Clean up my disgusting kitchen.

4. Go to the dump to rid kitchen of all the recycling.

That is enough for today. I will start the food journal tomorrow though...you all will help me rid this 20 lbs fast!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

2009-01-01T08:19:00.000-05:00

So after taking a few days off...I am back due to popular demand. Well, maybe not popular, but I have had a few comments asking me when I will resume my blog. So here I am!

2008 was good to us, and I have dreams that 2009 will be even better. I have set a few goals for myself, and here they are:

1. Become more organized...it is hard living in a 1100 square foot home with a family of 5 and a dog. But I know I can do it. I have to do it. I am very anal retentive about things, and I am miserable with everything is out of order, like NOW!

2. Be a better Mom and Wife. These are things I think we all work on. We can always be a better mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister, whatever. Hopefully my organizational skills will assist in this!

3. De-clutter. This has been something I have been working on for the past year. I have a tendency to hold on to things...crap actually. I need to be better at looking at things and deciding if I really need it. My organizational skills (which I really do have) will come in handy here too!

4. Stop Shopping. I admit it. I LOVE retail therapy. I love to recieve packages. I love to spend money. Generally it is the thrill of finding a 'good deal', as I am just not one to pay full retail price for anything, but it has to stop. I am challenging myself not to purchase anything but groceries and gasoline. No more trips to Target or the mall.

5. Lose 20 lbs. I look good. I am back to my pre-Victoria weight. But I do the Wii Fit, and it states that I am overweight. Which I am...there are a few pounds in the middle that could go. I took 20 lbs off my Mii, and it put me at a really healthy BMI, so off the weight will come. Hopefully with that I will also get to rid myself of my blood pressure medication. Or at least cut further back on it.

6. Eat better. I have a sugar problem. I CRAVE sugar. Part of it is because of my restricted diet due to Victorias food sensitivities, the other part is that I just love sweets. I need to detox a bit I think, and give up the sugar...or most of it. Like the 3 lb bag of Sweedish Fish that only takes me 3 days to eat...yuck!

That is it for now...what are your New Years Resolutions? The above are not just resolutions for me, it is a total new way of life. These are the nagging things that drive me mental (I know, short trip) and that I have total control over changing.

Does anyone have an organizational skills to share? Please do! I need them desperately! Tasty recipes? Please share! Anyone want to join in my crusade and be held accountable? PLEASE join me...I promise to post pictures of my slimming down, my clean house, my cute and happy kids, and maybe the occasional hubby pic.

Also, please forward to me any blogs or websites that you think might help me with my list!

WAHOO! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I am unplugging...

2008-12-20T07:02:00.000-05:00

I am unplugging...probably until xmas. Sorry Ellen, I will catch up on your blog next week sometime, although if I get done what I need to do I might pop on sooner just so I can read what you have to say on Monday. I have been neglecting my own life while getting wrapped up in others. Shame shame shame on me. I need to clean my house and get organized...I should post before and after pictures...okay, maybe just after!

Have a great week everyone! And if I don't get on before the holidays Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas!

Fertility...

2008-12-19T06:32:00.000-05:00

So Tony and I are done having babies...this fact makes me sad even though I really do not wish to push anymore watermelons out of my hooha. I loved being pregnant...sort of anyway. I am facinated with the feeling of a baby growing inside of my body, feeling them move around, hearing the heartbeat, and yes, giving birth. The whole process is amazing. Tony and I do have fertility problems...like HYPER fertility. We can ly next to eachother, say the word baby and BAM, one magically appears in my womb. All three of our children were surprises. I feel kind of ripped of because we never got to actually 'try' to have a baby. Never once did we look at eachother and say "Lets have anther!". The closest we got to that was Victoria...when we were in Mexico we talked about the fact that we were both a little sad that we were done having children, and having a little girl would have been nice...Our bodies misunderstood...we didn't say "lets make a baby girl" we said it WOULD have been nice. We are incredibly grateful to have her. I seriously have no idea where my life would be without her. I do now feel complete. I never truly understood that until I looked into my daughters eyes. I needed her, we needed her. My pregnancy with her, and giving birth was an incredibly healing experience. No NICU trips, I labored and birth on my own, no induction. My body didn't fail me. She is amazing, the whole experience has been amazing...someone remind me of this when she is 16 PLEASE!

This brings me to fertility issues...I know a lot of people who have them. And I feel guilty. My cousin and her husband could not get pregnant. What I would have done to give them a baby. I would have carried one for her if I actually had decent pregnancies. She has adopted a wonderful little boy who is amazing, and she is okay with not giving birth. I can't say that I would be. This is my lifes dream, I cannot imagine how I would feel if someone told me that it wasn't going to happen. Then there is the family friend...numerous rounds of IVF have failed. I am not sure what direction they are headed in next. And someone I 'know' online just found out that she is infact VERY pregnant after 3 years and one failed IVF attempt. I cried when I found out. Almost like I was trying and found out for myself that I was pregnant. I am living through these women who are 'trying'. It's weird.

I just can't fathom life without my babies...or watching my belly grow, or feeling them move inside of my body. I actually have video of Victoria 'dancing' in my belly. I have to remind myself sometimes when they are driving me nuts that a lot of women are envious, and they would love to have just one...just one baby. They wish for more, but they would be happy for one.

I just want to tell those that are having fertility issues...I am sorry. I feel guilty knowing so many women that have issues, and my husband and I wind up 'accidentally' pregnant 3 times. I hope that soon, you too will get that BFP and have a healthy happy nine months. It is the experience of a lifetime...

only some of the xmas pictures!

2008-12-11T21:40:00.001-05:00

Removed the slideshow...it started to annoy me!

3 kids + a camera = FUN!

2008-12-11T21:20:00.000-05:00

So I decided I could take a better picture of my own kids than anyone else could. Plus I hate taking them in with all the other screaming banshees and pay $$$$$ only to end up with pictures that are ridiculously posed and unnatural. Hee Hee, who was I kidding. I totally love taking pictures of the kids, although I will say that with each kid less and less pictures get taken. And I know why...I am out of hands or eyes. I can't keep track of the three of them and take photos at the same time. I don't think Superwoman could even manage that.

So I got the kids reluctantly in their matching xmas outfits. Oh they are so cute! Yes, I am the cheesy mom that coordinates her childrens clothing. Now that Victoria is here I do find that I don't make the boys match anymore...just coordinate...but they do always match. Have you ever tried to get 3 kids to look at the camera all at the same time? And smile? And not blink? FUN! FUN! FUN! Enjoy the slideshow!

Aren't we purdy?

2008-12-10T14:07:00.000-05:00

I just looked at my wedding photos for the first time (yes, we have multiple children TOGETHER but only got married 15 months ago) and I found a few I LOVE! Here is my favorite!

So much for daily updates!

2008-12-10T06:54:00.001-05:00

So I had figured that I would be able to do this daily...but life and xmas shopping has gotten in the way. Oh such is life!

The kids are fantastic...who am I kidding. Jonathan is having huge issues listening, to the point where I am daily looking to see if there is something in his ears. I know it is purposeful, but come on kid, enough is enough. Speaking of Jonathan...I have yet to introduce him to this blog...so here goes.

Jonathan...my baby. I know I have 2 other children, whom I love with all my heart and soul, but Jonathan will always be my baby. He is six, but he still loves to climb in my lap and cuddle, he is so full of love. Sometimes so full of love I have to tell him to keep his hands and lips to himself. But I should be grateful. Most of you know, but some strangers (ooh I hate that word) don't know that Jonathan is a stroke survivor. The doctors guess that sometime within 72 hours of his birth that he had a stroke. Yes, the same kind of stroke that we associate the elderly with having. It can strike at any age, any time. We first noticed something was wrong when he started to have seizures. Nothing major, but at 8 hours old one of the nursing assistants in the hospital noticed his hand rhythmically twitching. I didn't notice anything, and when they came to look at him he stopped. I kept trying to breastfeed, but he wasn't interested. (He did eventually breastfeed...for the next two years...and probably still would be if I let him!) Then I felt it. His arm started twitching. I knew immediately something was wrong. I called the nurse and told her to call the neonatologist, that I wanted them to look at Jonathan. Sure enough, by the time the neonatologist looked at him, his entire left side was 'twitching'. My baby, not even 12 hours old was seizing. And it was continuous. For the next 36 hours...non-stop.

Jonathan was then brought to the NICU, and whomever decided that babies don't have tears when they are first born...yeah right. 2 hours...that is how long it took to get an IV in him. I am not sure how many times he was poked, but I do know that it was MULTIPLE times, and it took 2 HOURS! He had big tears, and a lot of them! So we spent a week in the NICU, not knowing what happened to the little man until day 7...he had an MRI and that is when we found out about his stroke. It was devastating. Tony and I were both hysterical. We were told that our little boy wasn't going to walk or talk, that he had irreversible brain damage. We were supposed to just take him home and love him. That's it???

So we took him and ran from the hospital. We worked with him daily...he would sometimes cry, but we still kept at it. Tony would take him in the tub and stretch him out. He didn't seem to have much control over the left side of his body, and it seemed to frustrate him. He had his early intervention screening, and the woman asked me what my goals for Jonathan were. My response: I just wanted him to grow and develop like any normal kid, sit up at 6 months, crawl at 9, walk at 12...the 'normal' schedule. Her response: You need to set your goals lower, because he isn't going to develop and grow like a normal kid. He won't sit up at 6 months.

Well lady, you were right, he didn't sit up at 6 months. He sat with little assistance at 5 months. Fooey on you! There was no way ANYONE was going to tell me that my kid wasn't going to do something. We worked hard...very hard. Tony was deployed to Iraq when Jonathan was 5 months old, so my attention was 100% devoted to Jonathan and his development. He sat himself up from a lying position, commando crawled, crawled on all fours and pulled himself to a stand all in one weekend. Mothers Day weekend. He was 9 months old. He took his first solo steps right before his first birthday. He said his first word just before his first birthday..."Molly". He did it, we did it. We proved them all wrong.

Jonathan still defies the odds. He is a typical wickedly annoying 6 year old that tests your limits. He runs, jumps, climbs trees, goes across the monkey bars, tells little (and sometimes really big) white lies. He is sneaky. He is mischievous. He is also the strongest person I know. He can do and will do anything he puts his mind to. Take that again early intervention lady!

Jonathan does have his little issues that we are overcoming. We are 99% sure that he was born a lefty...but his stroke effected his left side, and using the right is a bit awkward. But he is figuring it all out. Kindergarten is helping. His peers are helping. He is doing it.

Someone help me stop shopping!

2008-12-01T08:30:00.000-05:00

I love shopping. Any kind of shopping. Especially hunting for deals. It is a rarity if I buy something for full price...besides food. I like my food, and I refuse to skimp on it. I would rather spend the money and enjoy what I am eating than buy what is on sale and loathe even cooking it. Anyway, 'tis the season for shopping and finding deals. Victoria and I went out on Black Friday, at 3:30 in the morning. Oh what fun! I was there when a few stores opened but hung back and let the crowds pass so we didn't get trampled like that poor guy in New York. I looked at all the ads on Thanksgiving day, and wrote up my list of what to get at what store, what time the store opened, and I even wrote down the price. I spent a few hours creating my list, researching other stores for better prices, checking the internet for deals, and finally perfecting it and putting everything in order according to when the stores open. I totally realize, I am nuts. But I love it. I love the thrill of finding an actual deal. You see, most stores say they are offering a deal, but really it isn't much of one. I have found that there is generally a price mark-up before the holidays, and then the stores will slash prices and put large percentage off signs to make you feel like you have found a bargain. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha...little do they know there are those of us like myself that research the prices to see if it is an actual bargain!

So I did it. And I am continuing to do it. I can't stop shopping. Now it is just deals that I find on the internet, and I think I have about 15 packages on their way to the house with my name on them. Granted they are xmas gifts, but still. Tony and I agreed that this year we were going to tone things down a bit since we were going forward to build our new house. I am not sure how toned down things will actually be. We have the problem that we can never go shopping together. Either he is working, or we have the kids. I say that like they are visitors...we just can't get Grandma or Nana to take them when it is convenient for us. Forget a babysitter...we just can't bring ourselves to hire one. So I do my shopping and get the kids some things, and then Tony goes and gets the kids some things. The only problem is we don't realize how much we are buying until we are sitting there xmas eve wrapping.

Oh well, it looks like we are in for a very full xmas again this year. How about you? How do you set limits on what Santa leaves under the tree?

Okay, now I am feeling guilty...

2008-11-25T08:15:00.000-05:00

I have just read my blog, and I feel like I am casting my children in a negative light (you have to love 'mommy guilt'). My kids are fantastic. They are beautiful human beings that my husband and I created, each having their own unique talents and strengths. I guess I am just trying to make light of the negatives of having 3 kids and a husband. There are not many negatives...just insanity maybe.

I just needed to clarify.

Jakey...

2008-11-25T06:17:00.000-05:00

Oh he is my love, my sweet precocious 3 year old middle child. We butt heads regularly. He drives me nuts. He is very particular about so many things, he doesn't like to eat anything else besides cheese sandwiches, yogurt, french fries, and nuggets. He won't touch a vegetable, rarely fruit. Meals are generally full of gags and tears. He screams for no reason, will cry at the drop of a hat. Everything about him is MORE MORE MORE. There is an intense energy that surrounds the kid. He is extreme. He has no fear. He wants to do everything himself. He is loud. He is incredibly smart...like at 15 months old he was talking in 5 word sentences smart. Before he was 2 1/2 he could look at small groupings of things and tell you how many there were, without physically counting every single one. He knows and has known all his letters and phonics since before he was 2. He lines things up sometimes according to numbers or colors or shapes sometimes. He did this just over a year ago with dominoes in his room. Tony and I saw it and both got freaked out. I almost ran to the developmental psychologists to have him tested for autism. These dominoes were in a perfect side-by-side line, two rows, lined perfectly straight and the numbers and letters all matched perfectly. I should have taken a picture. Instead we messed it up because it creeped us out. Jacob is intense. He has been this way since birth. He had breathing problems at birth and the NICU staff thought they were going to have to intubate him, (http://http//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transient_tachypnea_of_the_newborn ) instead they had to take him off the CPAP (constant pressure high flow of oxygen...think high speed train going in your nose, but it is really just oxygen) because he would not stop screaming. He wound up with just a nasal cannula and he was incredibly pissed about that. He had his food allergy issues, skin issues, everything seemed to be an issue. Poor kid. Everything about him is larger than life, except he is incredibly small. Did I say he drove me nuts? I love him, more than anything. I cannot imagine how life would be if I would have actually left him in the cart at Target like I wanted to one day. I think he is going to be the child who gives me the most problems. Do you want to know how I know this?

He is exactly like me.

Sleep is for losers.

2008-11-24T06:04:00.000-05:00

Tony and I have been joking the past few weeks that we are more sleep deprived now than we were right after we had Victoria. And it is true. But it isn't like we are up watching a movie, or even having a little fun between the sheets. It's the kids. One of them seems to ALWAYS be awake. Whether it is midnight and we are awakened by a screaming voice saying "I HAVE TO PEE" which would be Jacob who won't come downstairs and go to the bathroom unless we carry him, or maybe it is the sound of elephants tromping through our house and then the inevitable door slam and the whisper of "I'm scared and I had a bad dream" which would be Jonathan. And then we have what Tony calls the circus act. Once again, it isn't he and I doing acrobatics, he says it is Victoria and I. We co-sleep with our kids as infants. We do have a co-sleeper set up next to the bed, which Victoria does sleep in, but after she wakes up for the first time in the night to eat, I pull her in bed with me. I am not going to sit up and breastfeed her, and then put her back in the co-sleeper and then go back to sleep. I would be exhausted. It is much easier to put her on the boob lying down and fall back asleep. She just takes care of business herself and falls back into a nice slumber. But Tony says it wakes him up, and keeps him awake. Hmmm...this must be why I always hear so much SNORING from his side of the bed. I have never really known why men say they don't snore, or deny sleeping when you hear the undeniable sound of sawing logs.

Oh well, at least we women know the truth about snoring. And you can't fake snore...he has tried it. This was his lame attempt once at not getting up to take care of one of the kids. He just got kicked even harder then!

I love my husband, I really do...

2008-11-23T06:24:00.000-05:00

I am a terrible wife. My husband tries so hard (most of the time) to help me out and make life as wonderful as he knows how to. He works hard, long hours so that I can stay home with our children, he never balks when I spend $25 on ONE diaper, he doesn't really complain about much besides maybe my housekeeping skills. We have had a crazy and occasionally bumpy 7+ years together. I have been pregnant or nursing basically since we started dating, so he has always had to share me. He stuck with my through really bad post-partum depression after I had Jacob. He highlighted my hair for me, and then dyed it pink. What a guy! I could go on and on.

So last night when he came home from work, he walks in the door with a dozen roses, and he searched for something that I could eat, something special from him. And all I could do was give him a dirty look. You see, I was cleaning up puke. Yes, lovely puke. Sick kids do wonders to ruin the mood. Jonathan was sick with a nasty cold since Friday, and by Saturday evening at the dinner table, he starts puking. Poor baby. Meanwhile Jacob is whining, and Victoria is screaming. And my husband has not walked in the door yet. So I put Victoria in the swing, strip Jonathan of his pukey clothes and put him in the shower, and start to clean up the undigested food on my table, chair, and floor. Yes, he is good and can hit multiple surfaces. Yuck.

I did eventually get my flowers put in some water, and managed to give a hug and a kiss and say thank you. But the moment was totally ruined. I'm sorry honey...try to think about Mexico. Someday we will make it back there!

I'm ssssssooooooo hungry!

2008-11-22T13:40:00.000-05:00

Meet Victoria. Isn't she beautiful? I am absolutely in love with my beautiful baby girl. And I am desperately hungry. My beautiful little girl turns not so beautiful if I eat certain foods...like dairy, wheat, eggs, soy, pumpkin, beef...that is what I can think of at this current second. My diet consists of: chicken, vegetables and the occasional rice or quinoa if I feel like cooking it (which is RARELY!) It is the holiday season and I want egg nog from our milkman, I want fudge, cookies, mashed potatoes and gravy. I want it all, and I can have none of it. Boo-hoo.

Most would say to just put her on formula. I told myself after Jacob that I would never again starve myself for my child. Then it happens. Again. And I refuse to give her formula. Yuck. For one, she won't even take a bottle of breast milk, how is she going to take a bottle of yucky stinky formula? Second, formula is just that, yucky. Fake baby milk. It should (in my opinion) be labeled: NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION. Now I know that in some instances, formula is the only option. But not in mine. The formula she would likely be on is something called Neocate. I was a nanny for a little boy that was on Neocate. It is a gray color. It stinks. And it tastes really really bad. I just couldn't do that to my baby. My sweet, sweet baby. That and I would feel totally guilty that I breastfed her brothers for 2 years a piece, and stuck a bottle of yuckiness in her mouth.

So I am hungry...anyone want to feed me totally allergen free food???

My first blog...what has life come to???

2008-11-12T10:44:00.000-05:00

So I never thought I would join the bandwagon of 'blogging' until a friend of mine shared hers with me, and I fell in love. I have treated her blog as a confessional of my own, and thought maybe I should do my own instead of hijacking hers! So thanks Ellen...hopefully now I can keep in touch with the outside world again!

We have just gotten back from vacation in Florida...what an experience. We didn't do disney this time, thank goodness! South Florida, the Everglades, and TONS of alligators! I will get pictures out soon!

I am still learning...so hang in there with me, and hopefully in the future you too will get some laughs out of this insane life I live as a mother of three!